Sharing truth sometimes is difficult; difficult to share and difficult to hear. Do your kids struggle more with you or with God?
During discipline, your kid will either struggle more with you or with God. If you are short with your child, slow to listen and quick to speak, then she will struggle with you. When you are quick to listen and slow to speak, then your child will struggle more with what she did wrong (i.e. struggling with God) than with you.
Consistency is key. Consistently helping your child struggle with her wrongdoing more than with you carefully leads her to the God of truth and grace, not one or the other. She experiences guilt for wrongdoing yet without condemnation. If you as the parent operate out of consistency then your child's experience of God will be consistent, no matter what she does.
Your child cannot pay for her own sins and at the same time be found in favor with God. The punishment for sin is always death. Good behavior does not pay for her sins. If your child feels like she needs to behave better in order for you to treat her better then she is struggling more with you (the parent) than with God. When she struggles more with God than she can struggle with Jesus and his death for her sins, truth and grace.
Questions to consider:
Do you plan to listen when you talk to your child? Do you create a listening environment?
Do you feel like your child needs to behave better in order for you to talk and listen to her differently?