How do you help your kids or your spouse when they are struggling or suffering?
Hebrews 2:17,18 state, "For this reason he (Jesus) had to be made like his brothers in every way, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, in order to make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."
If you are quick to counsel your spouse or kids then you might not be able to help them well. Notice above, Jesus is able to help those who are being tempted because he himself suffered when he was tempted. Jesus went through things. He connects with you.
If you want to connect with your spouse or kids then primarily focus on how you are more similar than different than them. Listen for yourself in them; you will respond differently. likewise, practice talking more about yourself with them, what you've done, faced, and experiences you handled well or not well. God knows your heart. You are not trying to be arrogant; you're trying to connect.
In conclusion, counseling becomes much more effective when you practice connecting with your family.